Sire Newsletter-September 2002
read in the paper yesterday about a recent study done in Britain on the effect
alcohol has on people. This
study—as incredible as it may seem—determined that after a person had
consumed a few drinks, members of the opposite sex appeared more
appealing than before they’d had
anything to drink.
I hope they didn’t spend too much money on this study because, for cryin’ out loud, didn’t we
already know this? Heck, I can
remember sitting in a bar, enjoying a cool libation thirty years ago, when
members of the opposite sex—every single one of them—morphed into Snow White
right before my very eyes. It was absolutely amazing.
that was then, and this is now. I bet you this study was not conducted on
couples who had been married over twenty five years as I have been
today. I bet they would have gotten totally different results had they
limited their research to married
couples of a quarter of a century or longer.
in point: I’ve been married to Roe over 27 years now, and you know what looks
most appealing to me after a couple glasses of wine?—no offense Roe—but the
cold hard truth is:
Monterey Jack Cheese.
right, after a hard day’s work, give me a glass or two of wine and I go for
the cheese. Cheese and mustard and crackers. Cheese and ham and bread. Longhorn
style, Wisconsin, Swiss, Mozzarella, Provolone, Brie, Feta and, yes, even
Velveeta. Give me a martini or two and I’ll eat cheese till I grow a tail and
just not the same after 27 years of marriage as it was when I was young and
single—Give me two
glasses of wine today, sit my wife on the couch and put a brick of cheese next
to her—I’ll go for the cheese every time—unless, of course, she eats it
first. Yeah, darn it, she feels the same way about me after a few glasses of
wine herself, only difference is, she usually goes for the combo: Nachos AND
cheese. She shreds that block of cheese up over those nacho chips and pops the
whole plate in the micro for about 60 seconds and then punches, kicks and hisses
at me as she attempts to eat the whole clump of cheese and chips herself. Shoot,
I’m lucky if I can even get just a couple of the chips off the bottom of the
plate that have hardly any cheese on them at all.
here’s what I think; I think they should conduct another study on
married couples married to the same person for over 25 years. I bet they would
find that after a few drinks, 999 times out of 1000, spouses in this category,
would find food, particularly cheese, more appealing than each other. I bet that
they would find
husbands would eat lots of cheese
and other not-so-healthy foods and
completely ignore their wives after a few drinks. Second-most appealing in this
study would be the TV; third the sofa; fourth the dog; etc.
results such as the above, from a study like this, could be cause for grave
concern, but think about the plus side—In a best case scenario we must assume
spouses are sober most of the time, so most of the time the marriage would be
pretty good, since most of the time a man’s wife would be more appealing to
him than cheese—and vice versa. Besides, how much trouble can a husband get
himself into with a brick of cheese? I’ve never heard of a couple getting
divorced over a half a pound of Tillamook Cheddar, or even a pound.
And once in while, who knows, maybe husband and
wife would share a glass of Chardonnay and there wouldn’t be any cheese in the
fridge, and so, with no cheese to be found, they’d look at each other with
that old-time feeling, and they’d both reach out and touch - - - the keypad on
the phone and order a Domino’s with extra cheese!
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